y’all talk a big game about loving the Found Family trope, but have you ever personally burst into tears while watching 2000 Disney classic The Tigger Movie, in which Tigger realizes the existential horror and bone-aching loneliness of being “the only one” and starts desperately trying to contact other tiggers, building up his hopes only to have them crumble like like cheap honeycomb, but then he realizes that he already HAS a family right here with his friends in Hundred Acre Woods? huh? get on my level.
my brain: remember when u were really attracted to the dude from phill of the future when u were a kid?
taviv ullman:
my brain: cuz u still are.
When he was on Disney channel he went by Ricky Ullman but then later went back to using his unambiguously ethnic Hebrew name and I’ve always thought that was very sexy of him
His name is RAVIV ULLMAN, you’re right, sorry for the typo!
And yes, that caught my attention because i didn’t remembered him by that name, thank you for giving us that sexy information.
Stop motion from the 1970s. Ancient and all knowing in his jerky movements and wildly spinning.eyes. Orphaned under mysterious circumstances, raised by elves in the woods. Unfamiliar with human customs. Pure of heart.
6/10 Santas
2. Nightmare Before Christmas Santa
Needs a fucking vacation. Takes no shit. May never trust children again. Will bitch slap a skeleton if needed and invite his gf to tea.
11/10 Santas
3. Netflix’s Christmas Chronicles Santa (or, Kurt Russell Santa)
Potent sexual energy, more than any santa should ever have. Has the ugliest elves ever, all of them disturbing crosses of a cat, Gremlin, and rodent-like creature. Historically, if this santa doesn’t do his job, wars literally happen as a result (remember WWI? Apparently this guy didn’t finish his deliveries all 4 years). Does crime and kidnaps children and actually ends up in jail.
3/10 Santas
4. Rise of the Guardians Santa
The most powerful Santa, but also the most vulnerable. Can snap Kurt Russell Santa over his knee. Is Russian. Carries two literal scimitars to cut a bitch down to size. But must rely on children believing in him to stay alive.
10/10 Santas
5. Tim Allen Santa
The most lethal santa of all, murdered his way to the top. committed the egregious sin of being played by tim allen
Do you know why I beat down Andy Cullen six years ago? I was really into this video game. Played it like 24-7. Until this one afternoon, and suddenly, like, something broke. It was just like…pixels. The characters onscreen…they weren’t people anymore. They were just shapes. And that realization dumped out of the screen and into real life. The tree out front, I looked at it every day, it was like a friend outside the window. Now it was just a thing that was there. Growing and eating and just being there. Like all the stuff I felt about the tree was just in my head. And there was some guy walking by, and he was just shapes. Just like this moving bulk of…stuff. And I cried because nothing was there for me anymore. It was all just stuff. Stuff in the universe. Just…dead.
